Anger is such a powerful emotion, so much so that when we really experience it, it has the tendency to cloud our judgment and our ability to reason. We have to accept our feelings but also know that when we don’t regulate our anger it has the ability to destroy our common sense.
Don’t let your anger get the best of you. Think rationally and be careful of how your emotions affect others. When anger rises, your conscience falls, so be aware of your self-righteousness and try to see it from all points of view.
Your anger? It’s telling you where you feel powerless. Your anxiety? It’s telling you that something in your life is off balance. Your fear? It’s telling you what you care about. Your apathy? It’s telling you where you’re overextended and burnt out.
Your feelings aren’t random, they are messengers. And if you want to get anywhere, you need to be able to let them speak to you, and tell you what you really need.
(This video got nothing to do with the post above. Adults seeking advice from elementary school kids on how to cope up with life, literally the world is losing it’s sense of balance. Thinking of kids, this is more than cute in my eyes. I asked my friend Frank’s 20 month old nephew what he wants to eat when we were in supermarket. He replied; “EVERYTHING IN THAT” while pointing his finger to the ice cream freezer. Why can’t adults be this simple as kids!! LIFE IS FUN, LET IT BE.)
Anger and resentment are two of the most toxic emotions we can feel. There are always times when people infuriate us or hurt our feelings but we don’t confront it. Instead we just let these negative feelings grow wild within us. Before we know it, they have taken over us like vines crawling over every cell and organ in our body. We should never let someone else’s problems bring us down in the first place.
(This video has something to do with the post. Amidst war, we are going through something bigger. Watch it with an open mind. Big fan of Trevor Noah & Sadhguru.)
When someone does something that upsets you, don’t hold a grudge; confront them and then do your best to put it behind you.
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. -BUDDHA.
I used to run and hide from my feelings especially when I felt something that was upsetting, painful, or uncomfortable. But over time I’ve learned to accept all of my feelings. I know that in order for me to work through them, I must first honor and embrace all emotions. They are a part of me. Therefore they are meaningful and valid.
Pick a feeling that you’re afraid or ashamed of. Feeling fear, anger, or sadness is okay as long as you don’t let it define you. Embrace your emotions and remind yourself how valuable they are. Don’t invalidate your feelings. Honor them.
A high school teacher once said; “Being close & open to your opposite sex is important, you become more transparent, there’s no insecurities which makes you more confident. Later that also helps you build better relationship/friendships”. I took those words bit too seriously i guess. Even though my name is bit spoiled with university girls, I haven’t dated many in my almost close to 30 life. Actually i never missed dating someone. Being an extrovert & a LEO, I always had/have options to choose with whom i want to hangout/party/travel/workout/get cozy/watch Netflix/movie night/go hiking or shopping.
Now back to the story/confession/realisation, here it goes: Way back when I was getting over a breakup, I used to spend most of my night filled with anger & a boyish temper. I didn’t realize it back then, I had so much to achieve in my life & such negative feelings weren’t helping. I wondered why she was able to get over faster than I was. Later I realised, it’s because I was spending so much time hating that situation rather than getting over it.
Anyone from my university friends scratching their head which breakup i am talking about; it’s my bestfriend DEMI. We are bestfriends since 7th century, but we have a mad crazy past. We dated for a very short period of time, I wasn’t ready for a COMMITMENT & i literally thought we were just fooling around. Fault was mine. I said YES to 4 girls for prom night & 2 out of those 4 were our seniors. I was expecting DEMI will be cool with it. To fight back & make me jealous, DEMI went on a date with one of my friends named Ivan. Being a loyal bro, Ivan asked my permission whether he is allowed to take DEMI out for a full monty brunch. DEMI didn’t like her date. She wanted to patch what fell apart in between us, but i was more focused with my studies & part-time job. I didn’t care much because i am the kinda guy who’s happy when my bank account grows, my life is more about my growth rather than allowing someone to mess with my piece of peace. Let’s say, I am a happy man because i am married to my bank account.
It became a runner/chaser situation for a week. Sad to say, i was the runner. One saturday evening it was snowing really bad. It was a lightbulb moment for me, I invited DEMI to try my homemade sourdough pizza. It wasn’t tasty like store-bought pizza, but we both ate it with pin drop silence. That was my first try with sourdough fermentation. Next day DEMI came to my apartment early morning, we followed another recipe from some website & we baked that pizza perfectly. We both were upset about each other’s behaviour. An amazing conversation after a good pizza helped us heal. We both got the closure & clarity we needed.
Coming back to this current day called TODAY, the only person who still sits on my lap is DEMI. I can ask her for a head & back massage anytime i want. We go on long drives. It’s a weddings/royal dinner invitations/travelling to some islands during weekends, we are each other’s +1 partner. If weather is not ok, we make it better by cuddling/spooning each other. 3-4 times she suggested whether we can date again! And as usual, I am not ready for dating experiments. But we already have an amazing equation, i don’t want to destroy that by allowing some romantic melodrama. We have a verbal agreement, there’s a sweet punishment if we miss each other’s phonecall or facetime. Last time i missed DEMI’s call when i was attending a university seminar, i had to send a butt naked snapchat streak to all my 186 friends as punishment. Our communication is flawless. The truth is, it took us a long time to build the amazing equation we share & i am not strong enough to hurt her. If i know someone who is TRUTHFUL & CONSISTENT so far in my life, it’s DEMI. Now there’s nothing except RESPECT & ADMIRATION towards each other.
Takeaway: Whatever struggle you are facing in your life, make sure you are not poisoning yourself with anger when you could be giving yourself love. When you are filled with anger or hate, the only person that suffers is you because most of the people you hate don’t know it and the rest don’t care. Fill yourself with SELF-LOVE & SUCCESS before you are in search of LOVE.
The small things in life don’t need to be worried and stressed about so much. The alarm can be fixed. The tire can be replaced. The coffee can be refilled. The parking ticket can be paid. The keys can be found. The to-dos can get to-done. You can get a good sleep. You can get some food, maybe a snickers or an ice cream to satisfy.
People don’t make you angry – you allow the anger to dwell within you. Circumstances don’t upset you – you allow yourself to get upset. You choose to worry, you choose to criticize, you choose to blame, and you choose to complain. No one else decides this for you. Your life is great. You just have to allow it to be.
Bottling up your feelings is never a good idea. While you should always respond rather than react in any given situation, you still need to take the time to process difficult emotions, like anger or sadness. Bottling up your emotions might feel easy now, but it damages your mental health and overall well-being in the long run.
If you notice that something continues to bother you, don’t let it slide, speak up. Holding grudges will always hurt you the most and as the tension and turmoil increases, so does the pressure. Eventually those bottled up emotions explode creating conflict that would have been easier to handle in small doses.
Anger is the worst kind of self-induced negative energy. Learn to remain silent & calm down your nerves with time. Be thoughtful when you are silent and be silent when you are angry. Only positive thought & positive action will yield positive outcome.