Instead of saying “I’m lazy,” saying “I’ve made a habit of not doing work unless it’s absolutely necessary.” Instead of saying “I’m a bad friend,” saying “I haven’t communicated as much as I should with the people I care about.”
By being specific about your problems, and by framing it as an action that you are consciously either working on or ignoring rather than an unchangeable part of who you are, you allow yourself to accept your mistakes and work constructively on them instead of pretending they didn’t happen or wallowing in blaming yourself.
Honestly I think one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself is to separate your negative qualities from your identity. (Not my words.)
1. You commit to and practice observing yourself. 2. You notice a story you’re telling yourself. 3. You set a boundary you may not have set before. 4. You honour a commitment to yourself. 5. You take ownership and accountability when there’s something to own. 6. You can see another perspective outside of your own. 7. You see the pain of others in their reactivity without over personalizing. 8. You move away from changing others and move towards integrating the change you’d like to see for yourself.
GROWTH is often uncomfortable, messy, and full of feelings you weren’t EXPECTING. But it’s necessary.